This is going to hurt just a little bit

The original poem by Ogden Nash can be read here.

Now, in a sudden flash of inspiration (or zealous zest), I decided to go to the dentist for a check up. Here is a description:

(Me, lying down, in what is considered in normal circumstances as a compromising position), with a masked gentleman peering into my mouth with a mirror and a spatula.

M.G.: You have (tapping teeth with spatula) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9... yes, 9

Me: Surely... 32 is the norm in most biped superevolved beings

M.G.: Oh no, I was refering to cavities

Me: Cavities? You mean those holes, empty spaces of null and voidness where exist the cartoonish microbes of the toothpaste advertisements. Surely I, who take good care of those 32 white horses on a red hill that stamp, chomp and then stand still, cannot be home to those!!

M.G.: Er...umm... you need fillings.

Me: Okie dokie.

(Time - The aforementioned interview + 3 days)

I am at the dentists again, once again in a similar compromising position, with 3 people around me this time. Oh, the dentist has a fractured hand.

Spatula in my mouth, and mirror in hand:

(Peering into my mouth... I would not do that for any amount of money, but then again, it takes all sorts in this world)

M.G. (He is still masked, remember?): Hmm... your tongue moves

Me: Er... basic requirement of speech

M.G.: Well, it moves involuntarily, by default. You might want to consider... er... not moving it, perhaps.

(2 minutes hence).

M.G.: (Frustration in voice) Never mind.

(Calls assisstant) - Hold his tongue on that side with the spatula - Not THIS side, THAT side - THERE. Left for me, Right for you. Yes, yes, that is it

Starts drilling... I cannot figure it out, why does he have to drill a hole and then fill it, I mean, didn't the hole already exist in the cavity (I know why now... so do not pull out the daggers)

M.G.: Your tongue moves a lot

M.G.: (5 min later): There, what do you think now?

Me: aargh... uggh... oww... lhyysss.... and other sounds unknown to exist previously to humanity

M.G.: Oh sorry... Ramesh, spatula nikal do (take the spatula out)

Me: So, aah... the mouth feels so empty now, nothing sticking into it (yes, I know what you filthy minds are thinking... :D)

M.G.: So lets fill them now - 5 min later - My hand hurts, and your tongue moves too much... 10 min later - Ah... done...

(Mutters to himself - Another session with this boy, and I am doomed. He and his tongue... a pyrric filling, I guess)

Me: So how much do I owe you?

M.G.: 800/- per filling, so 2400/-


Now, I ask all of you... was Ogden nash not the soundest man known to all?